Regrets #2

I love animals. I adore them to death. But too much love and carelessness kill.

I went with my parents to visit my father’s sister when I was 11 years old. My aunt had a rice farm and her husband would often catch a lot of birds who tried to eat the rice seeds in his net trap. He caught a lot that day we visit and saw how much I adore them. So he gave one to me.

My mother glance at the big bird cradled in my arms and say with a scornful face, “She won’t eat that.”

My uncle just laugh and handed 5 more for my parents for dinner.

I was happy and determined to tame the bird, make it understand that I’m a friend.

I never let go of it. I hugged it on the bus on the way back home.

In my excitement, I hugged tighter than I should, not knowing how fragile it was. I killed the with my own hands in the most horrible way. I squeezed the poor bird to death. I felt awful because I only wanted to hug it not cut out the oxygen from its lung and until its insides were out.

The people around me thought it was hilarious. My mother still laughs at it when she remembers. But just as that time, all I feel to do was cry and beg the poor bird for forgiveness. I didn’t have a relation to it yet, but it didn’t deserve to die in such a cruel way.

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47 thoughts on “Regrets #2

  1. Dear Jessica !! That bird was killed unknowingly by you to save that’s life.please ,don’t regret on it.your post tells -how much you are emotional and sensitive.sending you a big hug and love from India❀

  2. I got almost the same experience that traumatized me until today … never forgotten it …
    Felt your pain, girl …
    This scars you much …

    1. Yes, it truly is traumatizing. Especially when your own family can’t seem to understand your pain. Even when you get over it, it scars πŸ™

    1. I can’t either. Not consciously. This one was a pure accident but still hurts like hell when it happened πŸ™

      1. Yeah.that was an accident,i know.when that is happened then you were most younger.don’t childhood,we make many mistakes but nobody blame to child.please , feel relaxed.

    1. Thanks Jim! And for mentioning the story. I did some search and the book sounds interesting. Adding it to my TBR 😁

  3. Oh this was the cat that crushed that bird 😳 I was so serious reading it then I saw the cat πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ I’m sorry I can’t control laughing at it πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I feel guilty for crushing a little chicken once in my car πŸ˜«πŸ˜• I almost had that tears and I controlled it as much I can to mend in with society (ego)πŸ˜πŸ™„ πŸ˜• But it’s nobody’s fault when we are not aware of what we are doingπŸ€— Let it go…, plus – a true bird lover will never keep birds with themselves πŸ’πŸ’

    1. πŸ˜‚ I know! The cat was too cool to exclude. Wow, Simon, sorry to hear that. πŸ™ My husband had a similar experience with a dove. It flew to his windshield. And agree it was an accidental murder on my part 😐

      1. πŸ˜‚Murders are planned, accidents are unplanned πŸ˜‹ I’m sorry to hear that, it hurts when we know it died because of this, then again, it’s an accident 😢 let it go πŸ˜‰

        1. I am letting it go. Now you let go. πŸ˜‚
          Thanks for being so fun Simon. Have a great afternoon (I think πŸ€”)

          1. I let it go… Just now… What sound was that πŸ™„πŸ˜³πŸ€” Oh I get it… That was um….πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ I’m not saying that πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Have a lovely night

          2. Oh my god 😳 How dare you creep me out in the comment! Save that for the stories. Say it before my imagination runs wild! 😱

          3. Hmmm… I thought you heard the chicken’s ghost πŸ‘» haha πŸ˜„

          4. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ digital effects… in that case, wait as I deliver your digital meal… πŸ₯ͺπŸ›πŸ²πŸšπŸ₯ž

          5. πŸ™„πŸ€”How do I take a bite of it?😐 Well, that tasted like my phone πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œyou know that one? That tastes like plastic and glass πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  4. I give you props for posting this painful story. Guilt is unhealthy. Writing is a great way to expedite the healing process. I hope you’ve allowed yourself to do just that. πŸ™‚

    1. I’ve long forgiven myself. But as I used to say, the pain heals, but the memory remains. Yes, writing also is a way to elevate the hurt πŸ™‚

  5. This does give new meaning to the saying about loving something to death, as you indicate in your first paragraph. Maybe there’s a lesson here, because sometimes people do the same thing to other people they love. They shelter them to the point of confining them, and crush their spirit. We have to step back and let each other be free to breathe and live.

    1. Yes, it did give a new meaning in loving them to death haha πŸ˜€
      And to be honest I didn’t have such a noble meaning behind sharing this. But I feel so proud you pointed out something like that. πŸ˜… It’s true though, sheltering others (often parents toward their children) and breaking them instead of protecting.

        1. Now, you’re being too kind for giving me a lot of credits Tippy. But I’ll take it. Thank you 😁

  6. Oh no….you were cruellest…poor bird 🐦
    Sorry I had to say it πŸ€ͺ but and there’s a but….you did not know and you did not do it intentionally…I’m very sure that after that moment you did not hug anymore the animals so tight πŸ˜‰

    1. I only saw the first line in the preview and my heart broke for a second there πŸ’” haha πŸ˜€
      True. I’m almost scared to hold them tight at all, handling them like eggs.

  7. Oh God, this is really sad. But you committed this crime unintentionally and it’s not a trouble at all. People nowadays commit the real crime and don’t even show a slight of repentance. There is nothing offensive from your side Jenny. You are a good soul as we all know.

    1. Yeah, I know deep down it wasn’t intentional but the poor bird. But I’ve moved on. I only needed to share it πŸ™‚
      Thanks for such comforting words Tushara ❀ It means a lot to me .

    1. Thanks Carolyn ❀ The me now understand but I can’t help but feel like the 11 year me sometimes. Lesson learned. Life must go on.

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