How jealousy ruined us

A month ago, March 18, I read a post from Huguette: Remember this the next time you envy someone!

And boy that evoked some pretty ugly scenes and annoying feeling inside of me. And today it’s my turn to write about jealousy and envy and how it ruined a relationship which I thought was solid and unbreakable. Until I was told to go to hell.

It’s the 17th birthday of my youngest sister today. She and the one before her are the only ones I can talk to now in my family without feeling like the world is about to end. I’m not sure where I have the youngest but so far she and the one before her seemed to be the one who understands me best.

Ironically the youngest was a baby when I left. While the one before her was about four.

I have a big conflict with my mother who nearly killed me many times. The worse was before I left for Europe where she pointed a gun on my forehead for being useless because she couldn’t get financial benefits from me.

As I told Huguette in her post. If only everyone can understand what she posted.

I married a Norwegian and this became the cause of jealousy of my younger brother and sister. The ones I spend many years as the second mother. The one I expected to understand me the most. But no. They think now that I’m out of the country and living with my husband in his land that I live like a queen. Whenever they chat to me all they wanted was to get a large amount of sum for this and that…

they refused to believe that I have financial trouble because I’m out of the Philippines. Instead of asking me how I was doing when I was hospitalized, my brother cursed me for not giving him the amount he was asking for. When I confronted him that he hasn’t even asked I was doing yet, he just got angry and curse me more. He later contacted me on another account excusing that he lost his password to try and ask for money again when I pointed out his lack of concern for me as his older sister, he told me to go and die with all my money.

Two years ago we suffered such a bad blow after an injustice from the Norwegian Immigration department. Me and my husband with our 7-month-old son lived in the car for weeks. My husband had to beg lounging areas to let us stay in exchange for physical labor. But do you think my two sibling stop to listen? No. Up to this days, they’re angry and blaming me that they have financial difficulties.

For them, it’s all my fault that they suffered when I left the country and did not continuously support their financial needs.

Oh well, that’s life, I guess.

Sorry if this post is bit to depressing. Couldn’t help but share this today.

39 thoughts on “How jealousy ruined us

  1. Wow Jessica!!! I’m so glad you shared this and holy shit your family sounds so toxic. A gun to your forehead – that’s really insane. 😮 You need to write a memoir one day. Its good to know more about your struggles. Is the financial sharing a regular thing for phillipine families? I have a phillipine friend here in Canada and his brother has been taking trips back to phillipines and when he does, his sibling send him money too. They are not too happy about it. Strange thing that! <3

    1. Ugh. I can began where the strange things about Philippines family begins. I’m not sure about the rich families, but it’s very normal for middle class and poor family to share… but “share” takes a whole different in most of the poor families in the Philippines when one of the children worked overseas or married a foreigner. I’m not saying every family is like this, unfortunately, I’m one of the unlucky one. I married a white man, so that means I’m rich, I should buy them a house and pay the food and bills. I know, Filipina who worked like slaves here in Norway just so they can keep sending financial support back to Philippines every month. That’s fine, but the worst part is that some (or most of those I know at least) their families back home does nothing else than wait. I went against the norm so my entire family (and relatives which is quite big) think I’m the worst daughter.
      Toxic… 😄 yes, that’s totally the most fitting word. I’ve been trying to write a memoir about it for years, write and rewrite but I can’t finished it because it touches a raw part of my heart that I’m still trying to heal. But I do hope to compete it one day.

  2. We are in this together😉😊. Reminds I of when I returned home, Uganda, from the States. Three years have almost gone by, and some relatives are still a pain in the rear

    1. Ouch. Sorry to hear that. We can all blame it to life. It’s hard to get things perfect as we want it.

  3. Hey, thanks for sharing that post!
    I went and checked it out. Awesome posts from you as well!

    Jealousy is the devil at work. LOL

    Cheers 🥂 to no-jealousy!!! 😀

  4. Oh, Jessica! Hugs for you. I’m sorry you have to go through that phase. That’s what I don’t like with our customs. We are obligated to help and if we don’t help we are a pariah in our family. I have worked abroad and acquaintances thought I have lots of money. I’m lucky with my sisters though. That’s why I’m teaching my kids to make their own right path and not to depend on others.

    1. Thanks Winnie, I’m loving you more for every interaction! And I’m sure that no other Filipina can understand me more than you. I’m happy that you have it better with your siblings. I completely agree with making their own path without depending on others, because well, what if something happens to those they depend on? They’ll be lost. You’re a great mom.

      1. You’re welcome, Jessica! Awww! That pleases me. You’re making me blush hehe.

        My husband and I had to go through a difficult time also and it was my side of family and a few friends of my husband that helped us. We survived because of them. And I don’t want my children to experience that. I’m trying to be the best mom for them. 😉

        1. Yes, it was also my husband friends who helped us out. And I agree, it’s never fun to think about that our kids might suffer the same thing we went through. I think you’re doing a great job and I’d love to see that blush haha 😀

    1. Thanks for reading and your kind words 🙂
      I experienced something more distressing than this and survived it with flying grey color! 😂
      Everything is alright with me now. I know I did everything I can, so I’m in peace with myself.

    1. Thank for reading and commenting Dracul! Family troubles are one of the most annoying problems.

  5. Well Jess even if I knew some part of this story but it still makes me mad and sad at the same time! Thank you for mentioning my article and I totally know how it feels, most of the points mentioned in my article were very personal actually! I will not comment on your mother reaction, I’m a bit sensitive when family is involved but I tell you it requires such courage sharing such personal experience and I always hope that people will wake up and just look around to not wait for some disaster to change! To not wait for someone death to change!
    Happy Birthday to your sister and hope she’ll be enlightened in some way that she shouldn’t judge and envy, that her family are not her bank account, they are much more than that!
    Sending you lot of love and support <3

    1. Thank you so much, Huguette 🙂 I’m grateful for every word. I know you and I had moved on with our lives, but it’s a relief sometimes to share some part of the past and hope that maybe there will be one or more person in the world that won’t step in the situation.

    1. Thanks Pepa. It doesn’t really bother me anymore. I shared this story just to illustrate that sometimes bonds are not as strong as people think.

        1. I’m sorry Pepa, I’m spiritual but not exactly religious. So other than the story that Jesus was caught and died in a cross because of Judas, I don’t know more about him or who never love or hated him.
          And yes, I know how relationship needs works, but as far as I know, I did everything I could to make things right that’s why I’m in peace with myself now.

          1. I understand you Larsen,nothing to be sorry about.If you was to get deeper into His story you would realise that is how it happened.. I love stories hence I always find inspiration in learning more….makes me get more closure…

          2. Thanks. But I said I’m not religious. I respect everyone’s view so thanks for the suggestion. I don’t think that will help me though, besides I’m alright now. Thank you again 🙂

    1. It can. It actually did for a while, but I learn to accept it and live in peace despite these problems.

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